I’m an educated, never married black woman. I will marry one day if I so chose to. I am not what television and American culture portrays me to be. I know MANY good men who are black, single, educated, employed and whatever else these stupid checklist include. I’m fed up with the notion of being forced into the conscious of the Black community that all of our men are criminals, homosexual or in prison.

I’m so fed up with the new Willie Lynch project. During slavery the division was made based on the complexion of ones skin. Today, the proposition is to divide by convincing us that the seed is no longer available for planting in the rich soil. This is so far from the truth. Sure many black men are in prison, many black men are homosexual, many are criminals, but MANY, so many are indeed successful, caring, intelligent and educated who love and desire to be with us.

So what is the problem? The first problem is we have lost focus on who we are and who’s we are. Next, we have become so immersed with popular culture that the traditions that made us the strong women that we are has somehow fallen to the wayside. We still have the strength, however we don’t have the will to couple it because of our rebellious spirit against tradition.

How do we fix the problems that “plague us?” 

1. We return to Faith.
2. We return to traditions.
3. We regain our will.

What does this mean?

1. We return to Faith

We must first recognize that there is something bigger than us in the universe with a mind and drive larger than our own. You can call this something what you like, but I call him GOD, Father, Lord, Jehovah Jireh. Stop trying to be the director and producer when your role is to be THE STAR!

2. We return to traditions

Go back to being a Lady. For some this will be harder than for others. Reclaim your softness. Let a Man be who he is, he will only do and be what and who you allow him to be. Surely you can do and provide for yourself, but there is no complete happiness in that, because despite all that you achieve, you still return to that space and place of desire to be partnered with a mate. Be soft, be vulnerable, be willing to be “treated like a lady.”

3. We regain our will

Strength is nothing without the will to exert the energy to maintain the strength. Will is being considerate. Taking the Tyler Perry line and making it reality, “Give up the I for Us.” If you’re not willing to become one with another fully, you are best suited to be one on by yourself. The will is the most important of these three, because although Faith is naturally first, we all recognize freewill. Freewill is controlled by consideration; you literally must consider what does this choice mean to US? The moment you begin to not consider the US… you’ve decided to be alone.

21^st Century Willie Lynch

There are no good black men. All black men are homosexuals. All black men are incarcerated. It’s simple, if you hear this, see this; read this day in and day out, surely it will become your reality; unless you don’t buy into the hype. Who made these people professing these statements of finality God?

The Checklist

 If you have a checklist, rip it up and flush it. Really… It’s ridiculous. Even if you met all the standards on your checklist yourself, it still would be ridiculous.

I’ve seen checklist that have 30 things a man Can’t Not be or have or 30 things he must be or have.

Too bad we seek perfection in others but we rarely chase the perfect one with half the speed, conviction or desire as we do mankind who has repeatedly forsaken us… I’m just saying, chase the perfect one and trust that he will provide you with your match.

Finally, Refuse Yourself

We are an oversexed society as Americans. As African American’s we are so immersed in sex, that even in our oppression of it, it still bleeds out. There are various reasons for this, but you must get past that. I’m not saying don’t have sex, because I know you are going to have it. It’s the fruit and most of us have eaten from the “tree”.

When I say refuse yourself I’m saying be attracted to the opposite sex, but learn that person. Group dating helps. It really isn’t a date, its more so a group of liked mind individuals hanging out meeting new people, building new friendships and bonds. You may be attracted to person X when you first meet them, but by refusing the initial attraction, and having the opportunity to meet them and see them without the “dating airs” really can make a difference between falling for the hottie with a mind of a not so bright light and meeting a person that may be average physically, but when it comes to their mentality and values they are an all-star.

Help put out this fire that is spreading like wildfire in our community!

STOP – buying into the notion that there aren’t any good black men
DROP – the mantra of “I’m A Strong Independent Black Woman”
ROLL – out of the thought of the checklist and delve into a new you and hopefully a new BOO