I’ll never forget the last time I saw you alive. It was shortly after Easter 1999. I’d come home for Spring Break and to spend time with you while you were “recovering” from your chemotherapy.
The 6th Floor
The Oncology ward is still on the sixth floor and I still remember the number on your room door. I swore to myself that I’d never return to the sixth floor again because it took you away from me, but that all changed last fall when I stayed there for 2 weeks with your sister.
As I laid there on the pullout bed listening to the machines pump medication and fluids into her those 2 weeks, it brought me back to the sound, smell and feelings I had when you were there.
I think of you and long for your physical presence. I had you for nearly 21 years but it wasn’t nearly enough. Here it is 13 years later and there is so much I wish I could share with you; so many times I’ve needed you; so many times that I’ve used your character as a measuring stick to determine who is worthy of my time…
I miss you
A few years after you passed Luther sung a song for us, at least that’s what I tell myself. Every little girl longs for the presence of her father, a father… Your little girl longs for her father. I long for you.
When we said goodbye
We sat and watched The Masters as if we were actually in Augusta. We also talked about my future. You wanted me to finish Talladega, I did. You wanted me to get my law degree so that I can become an attorney, I have and I will. You said something to me that day that will never leave my heart…
You’re a grandfather now of a beautiful little girl. But I’m sure you know that already. I tease Lisa that the when the baby stares off and smiling at what seems to be a blank wall is really her looking at and listening to you and aunt Mildred.
I’m still single. I use to get sad when I thought about getting married because you wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle and I’ll never have a father daughter dance. But with growth I’ve grown to realize its not about the wedding but about the marriage. The commitment. That’s why I’m still single, I’ve grown to realize the order of things, something you stressed to me when you were here.
I think I’m ready though. I feel like I’m being prepped for love, and that I’m ready to allow someone to be the man in my life, though no matter how awesome he is you’ll always be my JOY!
Thank you for all the father daughter dates, the laughter, the spoiling, the guidance and protection. You raised a beautiful daughter. The lessons you taught me, the memories we shared are with me always.
I love you daddy! You are my JOY…You will always be my JOY